I've been watching TikToks like non-stop since like, mid June? Its been showing me so much beauty content ever since I finished high school and it did influence me. I gotten really into wearing makeup, perfumes, buying clothes, and overall just putting more effort into how I look. With the comfort of knowing I have a good chance of getting a desk job at the library I volunteer at I've been thinking about the ways I could improve my social life through improving my appearance (aka femininity performance).
I was very used to not having any money for most of my teen years so being able to use money for whatever I want is so surreal for me...
For now I want to:
Spend less time online and only get info through trusted people and publications, I've been using an RSS reader to collect news articles from popular sites.
Go on walks more while listening to subliminals or podcasts preferably (I'm not very adventurous with music 😓)
Take better care of my skin and body which means eating proper meals and getting rid of body acne
Have a better idea of what clothes I want to wear
Other things include getting a driver's license, I will be paying for this myself (it's like $150 T_T). I actually don't plan on driving that much since I prefer public transport but it's good to show to employers that you're independent and can get to work on time. And as always, engaging with my hobbies more like this website and creating art 🥹
Log 14 - General
posted on 27/09/2024
I'm so Busy Already!?
Would you believe that I might be getting a job in like a week? And that my volunteer supervisor actually might hire me next year? I'm so excited and scared already!! I can't believe that I'm going to get weekly paychecks and work for more than 6 hours in my life which sounds ass, but imagine the money I'd make! The future! The future!!
On a smaller note, I did some volunteering at the city this week at a kids art festival! I took my little sister with me on my final day so she could get a feel of what it was like. She's interested in having her own stall next year (hopefully with pretty bracelets like the ones I saw there). I hope that I'm able to see final product of the mural in the future, I tried my best in organizing all of drawings made by the children passing by ❤️
In the end, I'm incredibly proud of myself getting myself set up in the first week out of school, I can't wait to see what the future holds for me ദ്ദി ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )
Log 13 - General
posted on 09/07/2024
Having friends is awesome!?
You would not believe what happened on Sunday....I went out with my friend for like the entire day! God I love the city, I think I made my cold worse.
I'm currently in bed and have a really congested nose and scratchy voice, I'll be making myself ginger lemon tea either later or in the middle of writing this to help. Oh! I also saw a brat wall while walking to the bus station, Charlie xcx....you're famous.
Before I go and wash my face and everything I played Married in Red, Very interesting story, seeing Bok-su's plan play all out at the end was very satisfying, not for them obviously (the other being Da-seong), but it was nice seeing everything fall into place, y'know?
Log 12 - General
posted on 26/05/2024
I had a rough time lately, these weeks have been nothing but stressful and strenous. Back to back tests and then work placement straight afterwards! The ghouls! I have no respect towards their descision!
Seriously, I'm still baffled by this, I think that's an awful schedule if you want your students to not die of stress. It's something that comes with being in year 12...I guess but I think I might have to work part-time/casual next year if I want to stay alive and not fall onto the ground like a frail hamster in the middle of June.
Anyway, I've have been feeling very empty and unsure about my future--I recently gotten locs because of how stressed I was becoming about my hair (I'd rather all of my extra shed hairs and breakage be useful) and have become extremely tired which makes socialising ten times more harder, that with volunteering makes it worse.
I found that I was spending more time on social media because of that and the content I was seeing was making me miserable. Yesterday I deleted Instagram and logged out of Tumblr. Twitter is still on my laptop because I have a wonderful extension which makes it 10x less uppsetting to be on. Back to my point--I think spending most of formative years on social media has made me realise how shallow of a perseption I have on myself, my wants, desires, etc, etc. I wish to change that and become a more "whole" person.
I believe that the Internet is still massively useful and should be kept, but the fact that the only major ways we can interact online are controlled by a select few who allow us little to none freedom of expression is quite frankly--insane. Why can hundreds of users hurl slurs at creators/artists with no repercussions whatsoever while somone advocating to stop violence or genocide is effectively silenced. The way social media opporates encourages closed minded thinking, it's more important than ever to fight back and adopt a more vaired line of thought.
As always, download and archive everything dear to your heart, nothing is permant Yahoo wasn't, Geocities wasn't, and neither will Instagram, the shithole.
Log 11 - General
posted on 31/03/2024
I got really into Dead Plate recently! I was on a ManlyBadassHero binge for several days and watched his playthrough of it. I was caught by the designs and the artwork for the CGs.
After finshing his playthrough, my mind kept thinking about Vincent and his relationship to love and taste--I don't think i've ever seen a character like him. It was very interesting to see someone commit cannibalism not out muderous intent but because they're so desperate to experience taste. Cooking for others isn't something he understands, and even when he tries it just never works out because he can't grasp how food can be an intimate experince.
I think it's very beautfiul that his cannibalism is secondary to his insane personality <3
I searched for fanworks and even went on TikTok for it! (I never do this, like at all--I was very desperate). In the end I find that I always perfer stuff posted on Tumblr, period. I think TikTok attracts a lot of younger people which isn't issue because im one of them but they tend to care about like?? Non issues...it was the only time I disagreed with some arguements i've always held its so weird.
I also got the limited edition Rody plush! He'll be coming home around June, can't wait to see and take him on trips with me across the city :]
<33333
Log 10 - General
posted on 09/03/2024
Hi everyone! I have very exciting news which is that I finally started my library volunteer job :] Its every Friday after school and hopefully I'll be able to do it for 2 days out of the week soon in the future!
I even set up a suggestion box yesterday and it's already been used! Hopefully when the box is full enough we can go through the library's catalouge and scope out what we can add to our branches.
The reason im so happy about this is that I'll be able to gauge what type of young readers we have coming the library! I really want the YA section to be used more and the suggestion box is my way of doing that! In the future, I hope to add more features to the area but for now im focusing on organising the books because some readers tend to put the books in the wrong section!! (its mostly mangas ending up in the graphics section).
On the younger users of the youth area, they're very sweet and tend to abide to the rules which are mostly just having a low volume and not running around (library's are becoming more social so rules like this aren't huge issues anymore, imo) so thats good! I saw a group of them this Friday and one of the girls said I was pretty which was a good boost to my self esteem lol.
Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens next, thank you for reading! bye :]
Log 9 - General
posted on 18/01/2024
Honestly this has got to be one of my favourite NMIXX comebacks! It's so good can't believe it
knocked my tits off clean!! tbh
Log 8 - General
posted on 15/01/2024
New Year, Woe is me
Hello everyone I haven't updated you guys in a while! It's mostly because it's holidays and I can't really do anything in like 40 degree weather (Australia is tough). So I've been stuck inside cleaning 24/7 and playing Splatoon. I get a fortnightly allownace of $120 so I dont have to worry too much about paying off my course or getting a job for it.
As for the future, I don't really have anything in mind other than I want to become a library assistant, alot of people around me believe I can do it which is very comforting. If it doesn't happen next year then it's fine I got all of the time in the world because everything happens eventually (and it's achieveable for me lol).
For what I wish for the future, I hope I create new friends and find new places to explore!
I hope everyone has a painless and kind 2024
General - Log 7
posted on 06/11/2023
Thinking about this Tumblr account that posts random photos of female chess players and I always think about this one because hello???
This is such a killer outfit and she looks amazing!!
General - Log 6
posted on 05/10/2023
Small life update
I've been trying to get more involved with volunteering lately. Im currently in a youth committie and working at a chairty shop on Saturdays (which I should really leave
because i cant really function with just one day to fully rest) and am trying to get another job at the library! I'm personally a huge fan of volunteering not like creating huge projects or anything but just, y'know--helping. It makes me feel more grounded and helps me realise that the people around me aknowledge my actions, it also means i dont spend weeks inside my bedroom, it's a win-win situation.
A few other things have happened as well but they're not as important, here they are:
I checked out a new book from the library I manged to read up to page 100 yesterday which is a world record for me considering how easily distracted I get.
Helped with a free sausage sizzle, not really I just set it up and didn't do a whole lot T_T at least people came in.
Rewatched Steven Universe including the movie and future serise, its such a sweet show and the discource about it was so disaportionate to it's actual crimes.
My phone broke, which is kinda good cause I can catch up on more things without getting distracted by it.
Got to give out my own pins at a stall (it was a school event, i would eat myself alive before id make people pay for my stuff), people were very kind about my work :]
I don't remember what else I did but this is what stuck out to me and I should be updating my site regularly again. I was scared about my laptop dying on me hence the 2 month hiatus :']
Thank you for reading, goodbye!!
General - Log 5
posted on 11/07/2023
Hello everyone!
Sorry for not updating in a while, I didn't have a single thing to write about since my last log. But I do have some new news which is that im in the process of teaching myself JavaScript! So I won't be making any new changes for a while, I'll just be adding new artwork, logs, and media to my archive for now.
I've been wanting to learn more about web development for a while and I'm gonna graduate in pretty soon in the future so I really need to learn stuff like this alongside PHP, SQL, ect. If I ever want to get a job in tech. I might be over-preparing but it's better than going into a web development course knowing fuck all. Also, I just want to make more dynamic webpages!
I'll always be a static webpage girlie simply because of how much more control I have over it though.
ps. I learned that the guy who made JavaScript was CEO of Firefox for a total of 11 days before getting chased out of there because he was homophobic lol
General - Log 4
posted on 17/06/2023
Another thing I want to save. I found this on Tumblr last year, it was a screenshot of the intro from Kaneoya Sachiko's art book. Since then I've found that the intro was much bigger than I thought but Im too lazy to get it on here plus this one was in already in my folders.
it is the space between a rolled up shirt sleeve of a salaryman and his wrist watch...the flash of ankle that shows when a man seated on the train or something casually crosses his legs and the cuff of his slacks rides up above his socks... you may only see a little..you watch during those casual movements, seeking the territory of those few inches of skin that you cannot escape thinking of...
- The Art of Kaneoya Sachiko
General - Log 3
posted on 16/06/2023
This one paragraph in On the Outs means a lot to me, I would like to save this section on here.
Ugly girls are only seen by other ugly girls. Here they are, dragging their heavy luggage up a flight of stairs as a sea of men pass by, without even thinking to stop and help. Here they are, sitting in bars trying to hide their despair behind their book. Their ugliness can be an objective beauty, flashing eyes and strong noses and swanny necks. But if it's not subjective, if the desired gender doesn't respond, if the parents don't respond to it, if it's complicated and grown-into, if it doesn't attract, then it settles on the girl like ugliness. Christine Chubbuck was striking. But I can't tell if I can see that only because I'm a fellow ugly girl, of the long untouched variety, the men will call me their kindred souls and then marry someone prettier and softer variety. Because in her posture and manner is the weight of the undesired.
On the Outs - By Jessa Crispin
General - Log 2
posted on 12/06/2023
Small life update
A few things happened in the past few weeks. I saw Spiderman: Across the Spider-verse 2 days ago and I loved it! The detail and care put into it is amazing, the animation was unmatched and the character growth was so good. Spot is such a great villian and Miguel is very cool antagonist (actually, he's kind of loser but it's ok I accept him).
Relating to the Spiderverse I'm starting to think about getting a part-time job since there's several things I want to replace or buy. For example: I want a mini dvd player for when Across the Spider-verse comes out on Blu-ray. My only problem is how unappealing getting a job is when you're in school, I would really rather work a 6 hour shift on a weekday with no school but I should do volenteering before getting a job anyway.
Also, my blue joycons started experiencing like really bad drifting which means I have to replace them, my friend told me I missed Big Run because of it too...at least they had a long life-span of 3 years ヾ(＾-＾)ノ
Thank you for reading! I'll try my best to update my log more ٩(*•͈ ꇴ •͈*)و ̑̑❀
General - Log 1
posted on 24/05/2023
update about findings on the web and Splatoon
Sheena Ringo's album Sunny is very good and has been a favorite of mine since around the beginning of 2023. My favorite songs are Manipulate the Time and Cruzar A Linha Do Equador. Related to listening to music, I've been trying to broaden my music taste, fav founds have been 心臓 / TOOBOE and Take medicine and go to sleep. I'm glad that I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone, I was gonna die of boredom from relistening to the same 5 songs for 3 months lol.
I also got really obssessed with Needy Streamer Overload after watching two playthroughs (one a blind and the other one covering every route). I'll try to write an analysis for it one day. Anyway, Ame is so real, love the the ost 10/10.
I finally caved in and started using motion controls, I really wanted to practice using them today and it just clicked after an hour or two, I love them. Still, disabling the vertical axis is such a big L but anyway I think I'll be much better at playing ranked this way. Maybe not top level since I play handheld but who knows? Maybe I can get to S-ranked with sheer willpower.
First Post
posted on 19/05/2023
This is now up...I will post some stuff later but im way too tired to do it now, expect something up around tomorrow
